This program sets a higher standard for theatre students as opposed to a regular theatre class in a normal high school. These students breath, sleep, and eat theatre. I was a ore-k teacher for 6 years and absolutely loved it. But, since theatre is my passion, and I also define myself as an educator, I figured what could be better then to join the two. I've had many months to think about my experience; there are many pros and cons. I'll start by listing and explaining the cons first.
*My confidence level teaching theatre is not high at all. Teaching theatre and actually doing theatre are two completely different things. I still feel like I am learning so much new information, that even I haven't had the ability to let it sink in for myself. My students were used to learning on a college level from their teacher, and here I come in with only a fraction of the information that my cooperating teacher had. I was scared and unsure of myself. Nervous every time I taught the class. Although I had already taught for many years, I felt like a foreigner in a new land.
*I feel it is extremely important for any of our advisers to make an appropriate selection when it comes to our placement. The school as well as the cooperating teacher make a big difference. Although my cooperating teacher and I got along, she was the type of person that needed to be in control at all times. I don't think she allowed me to explore enough, and although she gave me great advice on theatre itself, I didn't get the help I needed to teach theatre.
*What a big difference age makes! Going from teaching 3, 4, and 5 year olds to teaching 14-18 year olds was the shock of a lifetime. I felt like I had to change my tone of voice and my attitude. It was equally bizarre for me because I have friends that just graduated from high school. It was difficult putting myself in the role of a teacher, when I feel like I am not that much older than them.
*When I started teaching the lessons, I felt guilty because I actually started to feel jealous of my students. I wanted to be involved in the lessons I was teaching, not be the one to teach them. When I taught the little ones, I felt like I was acting with them at all times. I did not get that feeling with my HS students. Maybe I'm selfish. I want to be the actress at all times. So if that is the case, then the answer would definitely be to have my Senior Field placement with much younger students.
I had let all this fester right up until the end of October. I had expressed my feelings to my friends, but never to my advisor. I probably should have. All these factors that I have bulleted led to my fear of next semester's Senior Field and an odd loathing for teaching. I decided I didn't want to be a BA in Theatre Ed anymore. Even with just a semester left until graduation, I decided I was going to switch to BFA in Theatre. This would have added an extra semester onto an already epic college career. I filled my mother in on the news, and as expected, she was angry. I was, however, afraid to talk to my advisor because I didn't want to disappoint her. I had half of the people in my life that I respect cheering me on, and the other half telling me just to stick with what I had. I flip-flopped back and forth for about a week and a half. I was terribly confused on what I should do. The last Monday of October, I had arranged to do an hour workshop on Shakespeare's Othello with a class of developmentally/emotionally challenged high school students in the Middlesex County area, who also happened to be seeing the Kean University's production (I was in it, and played Desdemona). I had already set in my head that I was switching to BFA. Something strange happened. I felt no stress about being watched or graded, I knew they knew a lot less than me. I went in there with the mindset that I was just going to have fun with these kids and leave them with something they didn't have before. Wow! What a success it was. The students loved it, I loved it, the teacher loved it. This is when I realized that I had to finally grow up, throw fear out the window, and do what I had to do. Finish something. It would be the smartest decision to graduate with a certification in Theatre. I will have a one up on a majority of the actors that are out in the business working as waiters.
There are many avenues of education for an actor. Theatre companies travel to schools to do in-school workshops, children and adults attend classes at the theater itself. I don't necessarily have to teach in a public school. And, this notion made me feel better about the whole situation.
So here I am, a BA in Theatre Education...ready and waiting for what's to come next.
